Jokes on you
by Midnite2ndLife
Summary: A funny fic filled with indignant Kurogane's, creeepy shop assistants, really-good-at-ping-pong Sakura's and lots, lots more!
1. Chapter 1

_Thock-a thock-a thock-a_

"There it goes…" Fai glanced at the samurai. He was on his stomach on the couch, pillow clapped over his head.

"Your…what?"

"Sanity…" Fai giggled. "One more time and I give up."

_Thock-a thock-a thock-a_

Kurogane roared and stood, looking quite fierce and storming up the stairs. Fai followed him, grinning faintly. They stopped outside Syaoran's door, the enraged samurai pounding on the wood.

"KID! Get your obsessed arse out here. NOW!" he stood there panting slightly in his rage, waiting for the boy to appear. Syaoran poked his head out the door, sweat soaking his hair.

"Kurogane-san, Fai-san?"

"Why the _hell_ did we let you have a mini-ping pong table? In your damn room!" the man gestured to Sakura who was watching the outburst from the bed." And she keeps getting one over you, so it collides with the wall!"

"Sorry, Kurogane-san. I didn't realize it was that loud." The boy smiled sheepishly, leaving Fai to soothe the temper of his father figure. The ninja bit at the fingers stroking his cheek.

"C'mon, Kuro-wanko. Wanna go shopping?"

The ninja looked at the blond.

"What…?"

"Shopping! It can be calming." The ninja snorted and shook off Fai's arm.

"I'm not-"

_Thock-a thock-a thock-a_

"I'll grab my jacket…"

The gruff samurai twitched. And again. And one more time. The blond could not be serious. Kurogane was being confronted by a shirt. A pink shirt with black detail. All in all, it would have been a really nice shirt. If it didn't have the god-forsaken pink.

"Ne, Kuro-sama?"

"It's pink."

"So?"

"So that's the whole problem." Fai thought for a second, an evil grin spreading across his elfin features.

"Well…_supposedly_ only the manliest men will wear pink…" Damn. The mage had challenged his manliness. That meant war. He growled, snatching the shirt from Fai's grasp. Fai tried to keep the triumphant grin from showing on his face.

"You gonna try it on? Just to see what you look like?" Kurogane scowled, fighting massive internal turmoil: to get the hell outta Dodge or try the shirt on and win the war. He was a warrior so technically, the answer was obvious. He stormed off, grabbing the little tag from the chick at the counter, who grinned at the shirt. He sighed, walking into the miniscule change-room and quickly stripping off his _plain_ black, no-pink-or-any-other-girly-color shirt. He pulled it on, finding it slightly too tight around his waist. He pulled his arms up and down, the smooth fabric riding up over his arms. The damn cubicle didn't have a mirror so he'd shudder have to ask Fai how it looked…Kurogane unlocked the door, expecting Fai to be there.

"Does it lo-"Fai wasn't there. The bastard! He was waiting out there so he'd have to walk past the counter-girl and whoever else! Bastard! Kurogane growled, hearing Fai's lilting voice ask him if he was done. He stepped past the teen, ignoring her 'oohlala!' He tapped Fai on the shoulder, his perfunctory glare in place. Fai turned, paused for a second and turned again.

"Frickin hell, talk about rejection!" he grabbed Fai's shoulder, spinning him around. The mage had damn _stars_ in his eyes. "So I suit pink?" Fai nodded fiercely. "Did you have to pick a shirt that's so tight around my stomach?" Fai smirked and pointed at the girl. She was laughing and was hanging off her friend, also laughing. Kurogane growled, walking over.

"Oi, my friend is a complete idiot so he won't tell me what he thinks of the shirt, which is rather ironic, considering the bastard wanted me to wear it. He wants to know what you think of it." they had stopped laughing and where now inspecting it, a massive change in emotion. "Why where you laughing anyway?"

"It looks adorable. Its not often you get to see a guy like you wear a pink shirt!" she giggled and Kurogane found himself wishing he hadn't asked. Nobody but teenage girls could giggle. With the exception of a lanky blond of course. "So. Do you have any female friends?" Kurogane snorted and walked into the change-room, mentally cursing the color in his cheeks.

Damn skin, being so rebellious all the time. He swapped shirts, sighing as the well-worn cotton of his black shirt settled around his muscular frame. He hung the accursed shirt on its flimsy hanger, chucking the card onto the counter as he brushed past. He hung the shirt off the collar of Fai's, ignoring his protests and determined to find something that was out of the mage's comfort range.

Kurogane had a hard time finding something. Apparently the man's comfort range knew no bounds. Kurogane finally decided on a shirt; tight, black and with strategically placed fish-netting. He shoved it at the mage, smirking. He chucked a pair of skinny-leg black jeans on the pile, as they passed on the way to the dressing-room. He turned to Fai, his eyebrow raised.

"Your turn, mage…" he backed off, turning to examine a jacket. Fai poked his tongue out at his retreating back, walking into the room. The counter girl giggled.

"It's like a fashion parade!" she passed the card to Fai, beckoning to her friend. Fai emerged a couple of minutes later, looking slightly disgruntled. The black was really striking against the pale skin of the mage. His skin showed clearly through the mesh, the black pants just emphasizing how incredibly skinny he was. He frowned accusingly at Kurogane, surprised when he walked over to him with a piece of black fabric. He tied it securely around Fai's head, like a bandana.

"Kyaa! He looks like a pirate!" Fai sighed and went to go change, pausing to look back at Kurogane evilly. If Kurogane had been a lesser man he would be in Kansas by now. So, internally he was already curled up in the fetal position, but externally he stood firm, smirking slightly. When Fai appeared again, they returned the clothes, removing themselves from the store.


	2. Chapter 2

Fai gently led Kurogane over to a certain shop. Kurogane shook his head and resiliently kept to his straight line, thank you very much. But using his grip of steel, Fai managed to get Kurogane outside the door. He was glad they weren't in a mall, just a strip of shops on a road off the main.

"Go in there? Dream on." He answered and voiced the unasked question shortly, already tugging to get away. Kurogane had entered this torment ridden place before and had officially dubbed it 'Hell's Gate'. Fai was suddenly at his neck, whispering words into his ear, with a series of licks to it.

"I can make it worth your while…" Fai pulled away, already dragging Kurogane into the shop. He glanced up at the name, seemingly so innocent. 'Bra's and Thing's'. Welcome Kurogane, to Hell, special offer today, you can have your balls served up on a plate for rabid dogs to eat! Oh, no thank you, I'm already here with Fai so, been there done that! Oh, you are a funny man. Why, thank you!

Kurogane sighed and hoped he had enough sake at home to douse the part of his brain affected tonight. Fai pulled him over to the only section he could, really. The men's section. Posters, manikins; all were proclaiming half naked men with socks down their pants. At least there wasn't the guy who asked Kurogane if he needed help, ignored his 'Heck, no' and dragged him off to the change room.

_Tap tap_

Kurogane turned, expecting a saleslady with too many teeth and too many suggestions as to what his physique would suit. He would have preferred that. It was the man. Or Satan, whatever floats your boat.

"My, my, my! What a surprise to see _you_ here!" Kurogane did not like how he emphasized the 'you'. He started to slowly back away, looking for Fai. "What's the rush? We didn't find anything last time, so, we can try again!" Kurogane was once again dragged away. If Kurogane didn't know better, he would have thought this guy was like a reverse doppelganger to Fai. He had the same tendency to get under Kurogane's skin and grip of steel. Only real difference; he had dark reddy-brown hair and a more of a muscular figure. Hence making the grip stronger. He pulled some things off the many, many racks and pulled the warrior in the cubicle with him. He pressed his hands against Kurogane's chest, pushing him against the wall.

"I'd let go if I was you…" Kurogane warned him, straightening his back. Kurogane always stood in a sort of ¼ bow from his height. So now he towered over the man, pushing him back and leaving the rooms. The idiot followed, trying to convince him to try something. Kurogane sighed and held out a hand, knocking the pursuing man in his chest.

"You wanna dress someone up in clothes?" the man nodded happily. "Talk to the blond over there by the …things…ok?" Kurogane walked away mildly pleased with himself. He had gotten rid of the man and now Fai was going to meet evil incarnate. Mwahah. Kurogane scoffed at a manikin and walked out, happily occupying the little bench.

Fai came out a couple of minutes later, wearing an all too innocent grin and holding a bag. Kurogane's manly hormones all perked up. Fai bag from lingerie store happy Kurogane. He stood, grinning and looking not all too subtly at the bag.

"What did he convince you to get?"

"You'll see." Kurogane walked beside the man, attempting to see into the blue-ish bag. Fai's hand just crunched around it, drawing it closed. The walked back up the small road, Kurogane wishing he had parked closer. He glanced sideways at Fai, hearing the little laugh.

"Something funny?"

"Oh, just something that guy said." Kurogane swore that twitch would soon become a tick.

"What…?"

"Let's just say if he knew where you lived you would have your own stalker!" Kurogane didn't look surprised.

"I got that feeling somehow…" Fai giggled and latched on to the rouge samurais arm. Kurogane attempted to shake the blonde of him. Vainly.

"Was your dad a g-clamp or something?" he muttered, glaring down at Fai.

"No, silly Kuro-sama! What gave you an idea like that?"

"Your damn grip of steel!" Fai laughed and tightened his grip, causing Kurogane to wince. "Jerk…" They managed to find the car, eventually, and drove home.

Kurogane stayed by the car as Fai walked to the front door. Fai looked confused, glancing around.

"Kuro-sama?"

"Is it still banging? Cause im not going in till it has…"

Fai giggled and poked his head through the door, listening for the insistent knocking.

"All clear, Kuro-tan!" he stepped in, the cautious ninja following. "Syaoran-kuuunnnn! Sakura-chaaann!" he waited for a reply hearing a small yell and furious footsteps.

"Fai-saaaaannnnn!" Sakura leapt into Fai hug." I won!" she smiled and Syaoran lent against the couch, an exasperated look on his face.

"Next thing to teach you, kid..."

"Yes, sir."

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_Aaaand we leave it there for a bit. For those who don't know, Bra's and thing's is a shop selling only lingerie. I should probably ad, THEY SELL EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE AFORE MENTIONED SUBJECT. I do not own the shop and its name, staff or products incase thats copyright._


End file.
